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Would Either Of These Be A Good Movie?

Story 1:
My house was on a big lot with bright green grass and a few trees. We could see through the trees that we were not allowed to go past. Dad said it wasn’t safe there. It looked safe. It was just an open field with a pond. One day, my sister, my brother, my sister’s boyfriend, some of their friends, my cousin, my friend and I went past those trees. The place we ended up in was not what we saw from the other side every day. It reminded me of the Bridge to Terabithea, but fu***d up and creepy. There was a big crow standing in a tree. It turned around, and it was not a normal crow. It had no feathers, it had skin and a trunk like an elephant’s. I turned around, and I saw a lot of small elephants, about the size of rhinos. We kept walking. We got to a building that looked like the elementary school I went to. There was a moth on one of the columns. It had weird markings, like the eyes and nose of a skeleton on each wing. Over the left wing, there was a spider web that looked like a bride’s veil, and over the right side, there was a solid black frog that looked like a top hat. The moth flew over my head and separated into a physical form and a ghost form. The ghost moth followed my sister and her friends, and the other one followed me and my friend. It looked like each wing was trying to fly a different way. Then, the wings broke off and fell to the ground. When they had been on the ground for a few seconds, they turned into a skeleton bride and groom. They stood up, and the bride reached toward me with an evil look on her face like she was trying to kill me. We started running, and then we saw my sister and her friends. My mom’s van and my dad’s truck were driving toward us. My sister and her friends got in my dad’s truck, and me and my friend got into my mom’s van. We told her what happened. She said that the moth sounded like something from an old legend. She said there was a man whose wife promised him that he could be in a movie before he died, and he had a week to live. When we got back home, my sister told me that she found a movie on the ground. We put the tape in. A young man was outside sitting under a tree with his wife. “I knew him. He was 27 years old when he died from some disease.” my grandpa said. “No one knew what it was.”
Story 2:
My boyfriend was at my house. He was tall and had short brown hair. He kind of seemed like a douchebag. We were 19 years old. I still lived at my mom’s house. The first time he was at my house, everything was normal. Even me. He came back the next day. Everything was different. I was dressed different. I was wearing something that looked like a long cape, that went all the way to the ground. It zipped in the front, but you couldn’t really see the zipper. It had a hood that went down a little past my eyes. All of my friends were there, and they were dressed like me, even the teeth, which were filed like a vampire’s. He asked me what was going on. I told him that we were going into the woods to get the blood we needed for energy. We were vampires. “Are you coming with us?” I asked him. “No, this is fu****g crazy.” He left. I picked up something that was shaped like an upside-down L off the table. I put one light in the top, and one in the bottom so I could see in the dark. Then, I put something like a drill with a hole in the tip, with an opening in the back. We went into the woods by my house. I saw a boy about 15 years old standing near some trees. I ran toward him really fast, but not as fast as the vampires in Twilight. That’s just rediculous. But I was faster than most people. I attacked him. I drilled into his heart, and drank the blood from the opening in the back of the drill. One of my friends yelled “No! We only get blood from animals!” “Fine.” I said. Then I caught a squirrel. I drilled into its heart, and drank all of the blood it had in it’s body. We kept walking through the woods. We saw a group of teenagers. They were skaters. There were about 8 of them. They looked at the tool in my hand. “Hey! What’s that?” one of them yelled at me. “Why is there blood on it?” I walked closer. “I’m a vampire. My friends are vampires too. This is what we use to get blood.” “Why don’t you just use fangs or something?” “Hold out your hand.” He looked kind of scared.I stepped a little further forward. He held out his hand. “I know you won’t really do this.” He started laughing. I drilled into one of the arteries on hir wrist. “Stop!” he was saying. I was drinking the blood. There was a lot of it. It tasted good. I took an empty wine bottle that I took from the ones my mom was throwing away. I put it up to the opening on the drill.I didn’t stop until the bottle was full. The boy was dead. I put the cork back in the bottle. I waited for my friends to get blood, then we went back to my house.
“Sarah, you’ve killed 2 teenage boys tonight. This can get you put in prison. This is serious.”
“I know, Christine. I’ve only killed a human one other time. The taste

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  1. I like the first one, there’s some really cool/weird elements in there.
    Also, it makes me want to know more about that story about the dying man and how he is connected to everything the characters saw on the other side of the woods.
    Overall, I think you’re hilarious! I like your style of writing and how you add those commentaries in between. For example, “I ran toward him really fast, but not as fast as the vampires in Twilight. That’s just rediculous. But I was faster than most people.”
    You have some interesting concepts, all you need is to arrange your thoughts and transitions.
    Good luck!

    - jade
  2. both of em would be worth watching

    - Naregian
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