As someone who has suffered this kind of bereavement TWICE, I can definitely empathize with your feelings!
I lost my husband in 1997, after 28 years of marriage, and I just lost my boyfriend about 3 months ago after 6 years together!
YES, it was something I worried about a LOT! I knew my boyfriend’s health was failing and I dreaded the inevitable loss. He would try to reassure me that he knew I was going to “go” before he did, but of course, that’s not what happened.
We had always hoped that by some quirk of fate we would be able to go together – like in a plane crash, a natural disaster, maybe both shot as bystanders in a robbery, or something like that – but we knew the chances of any such thing really happening were pretty slim.
Since (due to his failing health) I was the one working and earning our living, I know it is better this way – if I HAD died first, he would have ended up homeless! Of course I know it is better that I am left behind mourning for him than if he were left behind mourning for me AND left with no life resources, to boot! And since I believe in a positive and pleasant afterlife, I know that he is strong and healthy again where he is at now.
Still and all, NONE of that knowledge makes the terrible grief any easier to bear!
So, IS it selfish? Probably, but we’re all only human and complete selflessness has its limitations.
However, since it is not a conscious choice we are able to make, it doesn’t really matter – whoever’s lifescript runs out first WILL go first and there is no acceptable course of action for the other but to go through the grief and then go on with life.
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Hubby and I have talked about that before! Would you rather let the other person go first so they aren’t living in grief? Or is that selfish, and should you prefer to go first instead?
I wouldn’t worry about it either way. Nobody likes the thought of being left behind to mourn, and nobody likes the thought of dying either. It doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.
Grieving is tough. I’d rather go through it than have the ones I love go through it. I’d do just about anything to keep my loved ones from pain.
That’s just me, though. I don’t think anyone could say whether or not the way you feel is selfish. If you’re husband loves you, he’d probably rather go before, than to see you hurt…
yes!! you should want to die AFTER him.. so that he doesn’t have to go through the pain of losing you. you will have to go through it instead… it would be selfish to want him to go through that instead of yourself
but i can understand.. because that would be a horrible thing to experience if he died first.
not at all.
Death is coming for everyone, its basically the only guarantee in life we all have.
I want to die not too early, but before my loved ones. I wont have to go through the grieving process and miss them too much as I’ll have moved on and will be waiting for them.
Its not selfish.
Yes.
@Blue-Eyed C – Don’t you know your husband will be waiting for you in Heaven, and that he can and will help ease your grieving despite having crossed over?
If the reason is because you’d rather him miss you, than you miss him…then yes, it’s slightly selfish.
You want to hear selfish?
My friend said the other day that he hopes the last day of earth happens to come on his death bed…so he won’t have to have missed anything. lol. jackass!
sort of.
It means you would rather be served while you are sick and dying instead of you serving /taking care of him as he is dying.
That its better for him to be told “POOR GUY” THAN FOR YOU TO BE TOLD “POOR YOU”
Its self preservation. but that is not selfish, just normal
Not really, my grandmother used to joke about my grandfather marrying a much younger attractive woman after she died.
Well, my grandmother dies on my 29th brithday, and 6 weeks later my grandfather died of a broken heart, he couldn’t go on without her.
Yes, but perfectly natural to not want to be the one who is left to carry on alone. Statistically though the likelihood is that your husband will die first, so don’t count on it.
I don’t know about selfish, but it’s certainly morbid as all get out. People should focus on life, not death.
Besides, be careful what you wish for. There’s an old saying re: widowhood. Women grieve, men replace.
i feel the same way.
the idea of my husband passing away is almost unbearable. i don’t know if i could be considered “sane” anymore. he’s my everything.
first of all what type of question is that??
second…YES! a husband is the person you love in life and to think about who dies first is wrong when i have a husband i wouldnt care who dies first i would hope both of us never die….even though it will happen.
No. But the facts are you really have little to no say in the matter unless you take your own life or have a DNR clause in place.
No
My grandparents would joke about it all the time
I have heard many couples express the wish to be the one to go first in a semi-joking way but it’s understandable.
That would depend on why someone wanted to die before her husband. If you analyze the answer to that question then you should have your answer.
It depends on the individuals involved. It takes a tough person to laugh at classic movies like Love Story or The Notebook.
i dont understand how someone is considered selfish if theycoming suicide or want to die…
Unless you’re 80, it’s a pretty twisted thing to concentrate on.
if that’s your reason, I think yes. but I understand what you’re going through… that is, if you’re going through it.
I think suicidal people are selfish, yes.
It depends on your reason.
A little yes.
yes